Domestic Violence Opinion

Domestic Violence: Today’s Experience Changed A Nairalander’s View (2)

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In continuation of the previous post, here’s where I’m dropping my opinion, as I didn’t want to bore you in the previous post by making it a long read which will eventually bore you. Here’s the link to the previous post in case you missed by the way.

An Opinion

If there is no justification for a man hitting a woman, then there is no justification for a woman to verbally abuse a man. If he continues to walk away from the insult, it ll only be eating him up inside. I find it offensive that you tactfully excused the woman’s madness and blame the man for not walking away. You are in effect saying that men should continuously endure domestic violence (abuse) because they are physically stronger? You think that a woman’s words do not do emotional harm? Is it just the man who should be understanding and reasonable? Should the woman not learn to respect her head?

My Opinion

Takes a deep, deep breathe – I vividly remember how I’ve made posts on here screaming and wailing against domestic violence, without being objective about this issue – I mean looking at it from both sides.

This is a side of the matter that’s less talked about. Obviously because, we hear and see the scars and damages that have been made already, but often times we don’t look into this thing with scrutiny. We just arrive at the conclusion of “Women should never be beaten or hit for any reason whatsoever”. Truly!. But do we also try to ask or find if these men actually in their right sense of mind wanted to do so? Obviously except for the born-women beaters.

We are guilty of this, I am guilty of this big time. Emotional hurt is very much painful. I remember growing up, when our parents decided to finally stop beating us. Whenever we erred, their next best resort, was talking the hell out of you, that you’d have preferred being beaten, than hearing those hurtful words.

Remember when you failed jamb? whenever you tried doing anything that’s not book related, how they would use wordplay to finish your life? You’d hear words like;

Since you can’t pass jamb, at least pass me the salt on the table.

Perhaps you’re having a spill over in school, and the weather is cold outside when your parents go out. You’d hear stuff like;

This weather is so cold, I go outside, its zero degrees. I come inside my house again, its zero degrees I’m meeting again…

You catch my drift? Imagine the mental torture…


P.S: That’s not to say that we don’t have inherently evil men who take out frustrations on their wives for no tangible reason. So also, can some women bring out the beast in a lamb. So, every issue of domestic violence should be judged based on it’s merits.

What are thoughts on these? Use the comment box below. I want to hear your view…


  1. I didn’t comment immediately when I read it (when you saw the “like” notification from me). There are so many things that happen behind the scenes, but we as humans, and quick to put the blame on someone. The issue of domestic abuse is now seemingly more popular than it has ever being, and as you said, what we (mostly we ladies) chant is that regardless of WHATEVER we do, the man should not lay his hands on us, but there are many other inbetweens. The issue of provocation is the most common, but how about the issue of the wife laying her hands on the man. When we hear “domestic violence”, we are quick to presume the woman the victim.
    I was in a conversation with people and the issue of DV came up. One of the guys in the midst was very outspoken. He said if he wanted to go to work and his wife was nagging and pulling him back, and nkt letting him go, he would beat her. I saw that as being plainly masochistic, but the thing is, as you rightly said, the men also have emotions. They also have tempers, and for the people that advocate he leaves all the time, one of the days, he would have had it, then it was ensue to a brutal case of DV. Being in a relationship, I feel the partners should prepare to be understanding. To know that it would not always be smooth. I was talking to a roomie of mine who was talking to me about breaking up with her BF because he didn’t have a job and it didn’t seem like he was actually trying to do anything (hassle). At least she can break up with him. In a Marriage however, it isn’t as easy, especially when you’re raised with the principle that divorce isn’t an option, and when things aren’t going well, the woman is frustrated, because she wants a man that will cater for her and her kids, and settle her as well. If it doesn’t then happen like that she’s frustrated, and it’s what build to a lot of fights, but that’s just a form. We see domestic abuse even in the “rich” home

    Overall, patience, understanding, are very vital virtues to hold tight when entering marriage.

    I enjoyed your write Mr Urban Oversabi ?

    1. To say I’m not in sync with your comment is a pure and blatant LIE. Very onpoint. I think you should make a post on this as well.Really.

      Thanks for the compliment Ma’am. Sorry for the delay in replying, technical mishaps from my end.

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