first time to woo a girl

The First Time I Toast A Girl

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My first time to woo (toast) a girl… I’ve had this post in my big head now for a few days, I think 2 or 3 days, I’m not sure and I have a rather infamous fear of the unknown. why? I’m scared it won’t come out well like I want it, because I really am still ashamed of how it all played out and at the same time I do not want to give up the idea of not sharing it on my online diary. I mean is this not my secret online diary? c’mon.

It happened when I was in SS2, there was a party hosted in our then compound by a co-tenant and you know how ghetto-houses are, you have no formal space even if your co-tenants door is steps away, they will still invade your space even come to use your doorstep as long as there is space for one or two chairs. Your Space Must Be Invaded. deal with it!!!…

My mum, always security cautious ever since our petrol keg got stolen, noticed the rowdiness and shadows of people in the veranda through our transparent curtains asked me to call the guests to order. On quickly opening the door while still trying so hard get my head out of my shirt so as not to show my hunger packs to the jollof rice hunting guests.

Perhaps I saw the opposite of what I thought. A group of young looking bebes (chineke see blessings in disguise). I took my time in preparing my Out Of Bound to non-family members speech, at the same time trying to signal the fine one to wait behind for 1 minute.                                                      She waited while others left and I realized I just entered a very big bowl of ogbono soup. I draw that day no be small. I thought I had the Ramsey Noah game strong like concrete, until I started hearing myself stuttering and the innocent girl just kept her cool and watched me disgrace myself and my friends in school that always bragged about stopping one Kelechi or Seyi on the road during weekends.

At last, I gathered balls to ask what her name was, and she told me precious and I thought why is every girl always bearing Precious, abi did parents do group naming ni?. I was so lost I didn’t have any line or whatever in fact I didn’t know there was something called pick up line. I was just blabbing like a running hose of water on the floor. zagazagazaga. And she just kept on looking at me while i continued spilling the trash of the century in what seemed like the longest so called 1 minute of my life, till she cut in while trying to continue eating the chicken abi turkey she had stopped eating earlier because of me.


Excuse me! do you know what you’re saying? say it in your hands and put it in your ear, how is it sounding to you? Abi, is your ear even working to hear the gibberish you’re pouring out???


Then it dawned on me fully that all along, truly I had been asking jamb questions, talking without pointing to any direction. Stupid questions that I am not proud to type myself.                                                                                                    How come I had the female friends at the time, it turned out having female friends is a different ball game to toasting babes. And since then I can proudly say, I haven’t toasted any girl again in my life since then. Except its just to ask a question or anything else asides “hello babes, what’s up, Immediately I saw you, I felt the presence of an angel around me” . Since that day I said to myself, I’m wouldn’t toast again. If you like fine, you fine noni. Its not today we are seeing fine gyal…

N/B: turned out Precious wasn’t her name, I got to know she stayed on the same street with our then class-captain.


  1. I once tried to tell a guy I liked him. I was 13 then. I took 6 good years to prepare myself for the big day and when it finally came, I realized he was no longer my type. If laughter indeed is the best medicine, the story of my disappointment with boys is a comedy that would cure cancer.

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